Mother’s Day Bonus Episode: For The Mom Parenting Your Child Through Addiction and Mental Health Challenges, with Brenda Zane

Brenda Zane: Whether this Mother’s Day brings you a decadent breakfast in bed or another day of waiting for a text or call, that may or may not come, I want you to know I see you. I see the way you’re mothering, not just your child, but also this broken, beautiful world. We all exist in. I see how you choose hope over and over again, even when evidence for it seems thin. I see how you’ve grown into a wisdom you never asked for, certainly never wanted, but you carry it with such grace.

[00:00:44] Intro to Hopestream Welcome to Hope Stream, the podcast and community created specifically for parents of teens and young adults who are misusing substances and struggling with mental health. I’m Brenda Zane, and I have been in your shoes with a child who was addicted to a high risk lifestyle and all the bad things that came with it. Listen, every week to gain clarity and understanding. Learn new skills and best of all experience, real hope for what might feel like a helpless situation. We want you to not just survive this experience, but potentially find unexpected growth and meaning through it. You are not doing this alone anymore, and we’re so glad you’re here. After the episode, hop

[00:01:30] over to Hope stream community.org for more resources.

[00:01:34] Welcome and Happy Mother’s Day Hello, beautiful friend. Well, it is Mother’s Day 2025, and my heart is full of everything. That means for us, the ridiculously complicated places we find ourselves, the beautiful celebrations we share, the heartbreaking trials you face, and always, always the hope that comes from doing this together. I was doing laundry the other day and I grabbed my son’s stuff out of the dryer because of course it’s been there for like three days and I found myself getting a little teary for a minute because he’s moving out in a few weeks and I won’t have his clothes around anymore. And I thought, how many of these mundane mom moments fill our days? And how often do I stop to recognize them? Motherhood. Right. It’s definitely not the highlight reel that you see on social media each may, especially during graduation season, but I think real motherhood is these quiet, unseen moments that no one applauds us for. It’s in the silent prayers we send up while driving. It’s the research rabbit hole. You go down at 2:00 AM and I think it’s also the way that we can spot another one of us, right? Another mom across a room or at the grocery store who is

[00:03:00] also carrying that invisible weight. I have learned to spot that look in her eyes. That says Me too. I used to think that being a good mom in air quotes, good mom meant having all the answers. And boy did I work myself into a frenzy trying to find them all. Now I know it’s just about showing up day after day, doing our best, even when there are seemingly no answers. It’s about doing the things that no one seems to see. Because those small acts of beauty and care still matter in a world that sometimes feels like it’s falling apart. What I’ve come to realize, what we’re all discovering together here, is that our mothering extends far beyond our own children. When you advocate at school board meetings for better mental health resources, you are mothering every child in that district. When you share your story with another parent who feels alone, you become a lifeline in their darkness. When you set boundaries that honor your own healing, you are teaching the world what healthy love looks like. This is the quiet power we hold. It is not always recognized. It is rarely celebrated on greeting cards.

[00:04:30] I believe it’s profound in its impact. So in a minute, I’m gonna share a poem I wrote called On Mothering that captures these unseen moments. We all live through.

[00:04:42] Let’s Breathe Before I do, I want you to take a deep breath with me. You didn’t think I was gonna forget, did you? Right now? Wherever you are, if you can safely close your eyes, take a deep breath and let it all go. One more deep, deep, deep breath and let it all go. That breath that you just took, that is for you, not for anyone else. No one can borrow it from you and not return it. No one can steal it from you. No one can take it from you. So whenever you can gift yourself one of those or two because you deserve it, and so many more. So here’s to us. The mothers who still look for hope when others have given up, who understand that love is not always enough, but we give it anyway to the mama who carries worlds and worlds within you that others cannot see. And most importantly, remember if you’re here, you are not doing this

[00:06:00] alone

[00:06:02] On Mothering On mothering. Her coffee got cold because she saw there was laundry to throw in. While she did that, she touched the softness of her son’s t-shirt and wished his heart was the same. The laundry sat because she saw a text that seemed off and hoped the cold coffee would give her wisdom. It did not. She walled off her mom compartment when she pulled into work, knowing it would be waiting for her this evening, but compartments leak and she wasn’t fooling anyone with her mask of bravery. She shushed the flutter in her heart when the intern walked by with her daughter’s scent in her hair, and wondered if this girl’s mom counted her lucky stars each morning. Her browser tabs huddled together, not enough room for them all. They stared at her as if saying, “how much more can you do?” And she quieted them by clicking their small exes until they left her alone. The book said to do her work, and she pretended to know what that

[00:07:30] meant. Was it not crying? Was it letting go? Was it some wise magic she hadn’t discovered yet? The cursor blinked on her monitor with the promise that there were still answers to be found. She said to her friend with the college-bound kid, “how exciting,” and she meant it, while gulping the grief that her in the chest. And remembered the laundry. They’d asked her what she wanted to do for Mother’s Day, and sleep came to mind. Instead, she got waffles and geraniums that needed planting On a walk she picked up a crumpled White Claw can because no one else did, and checked her phone in case the child she loved to the moon and back reached out. He did not. She moved in slow waves of numbness and frantic spurts of productivity, impossibly existing in both states at once. Her bright, tired eyes scanning, always scanning for clues of hope. Her bones mention it’s time to rest, and she wipes the crumbs from the countertop that no one else sees. Chamomile tea brewing for her attempt at sleep. And then she sees it, promise and relief in the form of a small dot on her phone. Hey, mom, I love you. Happy Mother’s Day,

[00:09:23] Wrap up and resources Sending all my love and light to you today to learn more about how Hopestream helps families navigate your child’s substance misuse and mental health struggles. Go to Hopestreamcommunity.org. Be so very good to yourself today, and I will meet you right back here next week.