COVID-19: What To Do With Your Addicted Kid Now with Brenda Zane

Hello friends. Welcome to episode seven. Welcome to May, which is finding us still at home under coronavirus orders and just sort of learning a new way of life. I think we’re all exhausted of this. I’m ready to get back to our old routines, but I think everything is going to be new. And so today’s episode is going to be a solo one again, but I hope this finds everybody healthy well and staying at home.

So while we are staying at home, I have been talking with a lot of parents and felt like it was really important to share about what some families are going through now that we have a second health epidemic to deal with. So for a lot of people who don’t have a kid that is struggling with addiction, this is sort of in their mind, the health epidemic maybe of the century.

However, we did have a, an actual national health emergency that was declared by our president in October of 2017 that millions and millions of families have been dealing with every day for many years. 10 over 10 years. So what I thought I would do is set a little bit of context for where we are when you look at the opioid epidemic relative to the COVID-19 pandemic. And then talk about where, where we are as a families who are dealing with and have a kid in our home who might be currently using and give a couple of just really practical things that we can do today that will help our situation.

COVID-19 relative to the opioid epidemic So what I thought I would do to start out with, for those of you who may be listening because you have a friend or somebody in this situation is just give some context for where we are. So with this second health epidemic, it’s been really interesting to watch people sort of, what I’ve come to realize is they’ve sort of started living and understanding the fear and anxiety and worry and panic that families who have kids in addiction deal with every single day. And I’m not, I’m not happy about that. But it’s been really interesting to see how people have really started to kind of realize, Oh, this is what it’s like to live in fear every single day. And you know, I’m not comparing these to each other from a better or worse situation. It’s just an interesting time to look at and obviously one is not more important than the other.

But what has been interesting is as I’m watching the news and I’m watching what’s going on is the money that has been found and dispensed within days and weeks for medication and supplies for people has been great and amazing. And I just, it makes me wonder where that money is for the medications that our kids need for methadone, for buprenorphine, for all of the drugs that are out there that can help our kids stop living the way that they’re living. And it’s just, it’s, it’s sad to see that, um, our kids are still struggling without these supplies and without medication. Um, after years and years of trying to get that money released.

And the COVID-19 numbers as far as deaths is unbelievably scary and horrific. Um, as of today, which is May 1st we have lost 62,406 people. And that is just shocking, um, in such a short amount of time. And for context, I just wanted to share some numbers because I think people tend to forget kind of the, the severity of what we deal with, with the opioid epidemic. And in 2018, so the last year that we have solid numbers for, we lost 67,367 people that have been documented to drug overdoses and just about 50,000 of those involve opioids. So this isn’t just an opioid epidemic that we have, it’s, it’s just a epidemic of drugs, including opioids and benzodiazepines and others. But for the most part, what you hear about and sort of what’s been in the media is the opioid epidemic.

So that was 2018, two years ago in 2017, we had over 70,000 deaths. And then if you look at the last three years, so 16, 17 and 18, we lost 200,967 people from overdose. I was trying to figure out how to put that in context because, and maybe that’s easier to get out now that people are seeing COVID numbers, but I did some math, which I don’t usually do, but I, I ran some numbers and that’s the equivalent of 574 commercial airplanes crashing, one every other day, for the last three years. And every single person on board has died. That’s a lot of bodies.

And if planes were falling out of the sky every other day for three years, I think, you know, there would be a little bit more knowledge around what’s going on, maybe a little bit more panic. But that’s the reality of it. That’s, that’s how many people are dying. And you know, if you consider the level of fear and anxiety that people are facing now with this pandemic, I think you can start to understand how these families feel day in and day out. The reality is if you have a kid living in addiction, your day to day reality is that child might die today, this might be the last whatever. The last time is it, you saw them could very easily be the last time that you ever see them.

And I’m, and I’m seeing that people are starting to realize that that is the reality with COVID is that it’s pretty non-discriminatory, it kills quickly and you know, we’re all living in fear of having something like that happen to us.

So the other interesting thing that I’ve noticed about coronavirus and about COVID-19 is that there’s no stigma around it, right? So if you get COVID-19 or your dad does or your sister does, people are hugely sympathetic. They’re not judgmental. If they could, they’d probably bring you a casserole. They send cards and flowers. You know, if you, if your kid gets it, you’re not a bad parent. It’s not that you did anything wrong. It’s not that you are absent from their life or that you had got a divorce or any of the things that, you know, people really continue that stigma around for parents who have a kid in addiction.

And you know, the, the parents that I work with and talk to every day, are facing sort of a double fear now one that their child could die of the drugs and substances that they’re taking and also that they could potentially catch COVID-19. And, and that’s just a huge amount of stress to be dealing with. And if you live with one of these, I call them special problem children because they’re beautifully, wonderfully complex and special. But if you have one of these in your home, you know how chaotic and uncontrollable your days are, no day is the same. No days is predictable. And right now what that probably means is your child, you know, your adolescent or your young adult is out of school and they’re supposed to be at home with you. They’re likely coming in and out. They’re probably finding, trying to find places that they can get their drug of choice. They’re probably hanging out with friends cause that’s their priority right now. And I could almost guarantee you they’re not following any kind of social distancing recommendations or hygiene recommendations because that’s just, they live in a different world.

They live in a completely different world than we do and so on top of everything else, the stress of having them home, whether you’re working from home or maybe you’re not working, you’re out of work. That’s a lot to be piled on top of of a family.

practical tips for parents And I wanted to just give a couple of practical things that you can do. Maybe some of these will work for you and some of them won’t. But I think there’s a few things that it’s important to know for families who do have these, these wonderfully special children in their home.

NARCAN And the first one of those is Narcan. And I’m not trying to be alarmist or I’m not trying to sensationalize anything, but if you have a child who is using anything, so whether or not they tell you or that you suspect that they’re using opioids, you need to get Narcan in your house quickly because even if they’re taking pills that are stamped Oxy or Xanax, there is a probably 99% chance, and that’s not a statistic, so don’t quote me on that or try to look it up.

But there’s hardly any street drugs anymore that are not cut with fentanyl, which is deadly, the most deadly opioid that’s out there and it’s being mixed with everything. So it doesn’t mean that your child has to be, you know, using heroin or Oxy. If they’re using anything, ingesting anything, it’s very, very likely going to have fentanyl in it. And so the only way that you can protect against an overdose situation for that is to have Narcan in your house.

Narcan is basically the epi-pen of overdose, and if they are in a situation where they’re overdosing, you can administer Narcan. It’s just a nasal spray, like you would use an allergy spray and it will and can revive them depending on how much, um, of the opioid they have consumed. Uh, there is a standing order in every state that allows a pharmacist to prescribe this to you versus a doctor.

So you don’t have to call a doctor first. You can go straight to the pharmacy, they can give you the doses and if they don’t, if for some reason you call and a pharmacist doesn’t know this, you can go to the show notes. I have a link to a prescription aid that was developed by the makers of Narcan that you can take to the pharmacy or, or email to them, I guess today. That will kind of explain to them this standing order. And if you have medical insurance, it’s covered. Usually if not, and you can’t afford it, it’s pretty expensive. It can be about $130 for two doses. But if you can’t afford that, you can call a local community health center or you can call a needle exchange program. And I’ll link to in the show notes to some of those resources and they usually have it for free.

Again, it’s just like an allergy medication that you would spray in the nose and on in the show notes there’s also a link to a video of how to administer. Although it’s very, very simple. And the thing to recognize is that if they’re non-responsive, so if you can’t wake them up, use the Narcan, it won’t do anything if they’re not using opioids. So if for some other reason they have passed out or maybe they’re just really, really asleep and you can’t wake them up if even if they haven’t overdosed and you administer Narcan, it won’t do anything. It’s kind of like a placebo, so you don’t have to worry about harming them if you give it in that situation.

Also important to know is to call 911 if even if you do use it and they are revived. The interesting thing about Narcan is it works so well that they can sometimes just stand up and start walking around, you know, depending on what their situation was. And so you might feel like you don’t need to call 911. However, what will happen is the Narcan blocks all opioids in their system. So what can happen is they can start going into withdrawal because that Narcan is completely blocking those opioid receptors. And you know, again, depending on how much they use and how often they can go into withdrawal pretty quickly and you’re going to definitely want to have them in the hospital for that. So that’s Narcan. Again, not trying to be alarmist, but very, very important. The only reason my son is alive today is because he was revived with Narcan at least twice that I know of, potentially more. And so there you go. That’s all. I think that’s all I need to say. If my kid didn’t have it, he wouldn’t be with us today.

keep talking The next thing that I think is important for everybody to keep in mind right now is to not avoid the subject. So don’t stop talking. And a lot of families, you know, communication is very broken. It’s, there’s a lot of anxiety in the house. There’s a lot of tension talking about, you know, your child’s drug use is probably not something that you’re doing on a day to day basis. But with this new layer of epidemic, it is super important that you either start or continue talking and it’s okay to tell your child that you’re scared, that you’re, you’re just flat out scared. We’re scared of COVID-19 or scared of what’s going on with them.

And so talking to them is really important, but only if you can do it and be calm. So you need to find a time when, first of all, they’re not impaired. If you can, if you can swing that. And then also a time when you are not frazzled and exhausted and you know, just got off five hours of zoom calls or a long shift at a grocery store, that’s not the time to try and talk with them.

So kind of be realistic about it and, and make sure there’s no yelling or screaming, but just talk to them like you would a friend. And, and even if they’re ornery and disrespectful, they will see that you’re attempting to have just a normal dialogue and just let them know you’re scared, that you’re scared for you, you’re scared for them. You don’t have to blame them, you don’t have to shame them. Just let them know that you’re scared. And just getting that out and talking about it can help. The other thing that you can tell them is that they, you know, as much as you can emphasize that they need to keep themselves safe and healthy and you know, make a sanitizer, hand sanitizer and a mask available to them. Obviously you can’t make them use it. You can’t make them wear a mask, but make it available.

It’s a little bit of a sign that you care, you love them and that you want them to be as healthy as possible. So even if you know, they’re going out of the house to find some, you know, heroin or some Oxy, just tell them, Hey, it’s kind of a harm reduction approach, right? Be as safe as you can.

Just be realistic and know that this is sort of where we are and if you can, and I know this is difficult, find anything that you can be positive about to recognize in them and in their behavior. And it could be really, really small. Like it could be thanks for using the hand sanitizer when you came in. Or maybe they actually took the trash out without being really angry about it and slamming doors. You know, you can recognize that and just say, Hey, I appreciate it. This is rough times right now. So thanks for doing that. And that’ll go a long way to let them know that you’re connected, that you’re still there for them, and that you can be rational and just sort of be, be kind to them and, and still be there for them.

be ready for change And then another thing to be thinking about is to be ready. And what I mean by be ready is that these are strange times and your child’s patterns and their sort of routine as chaotic as it is, is disrupted. And they’re dealing with new and different things just like we are. Um, and that can spark new thinking. And so I think it’s really wise to be ready for change and change obviously could be worse, but change could also be better. And on the kind of worst side, let’s talk about that first.

What you are going to want to do is to be ready in looking for signs of withdrawal. So the drug supply chain has been altered and that’s a whole other podcast that might be interesting to do. But depending on what your child is taking, what’s sort of their drug of choice and financially and just logistically they may be having a harder time finding what they have been taking. And that can mean that they could start to go into withdrawal if they’re not able to secure it. So signs of withdrawal are things like volatile mood, agitation, excessive sweating, a really runny nose, restlessness and excessive yawning and an inability to sleep. And so if you’re seeing those things right now, it’s extra scary because those also sort of are mimicking COVID-19 some of those symptoms. And so if you see those, be sure to get medical help.

The withdrawal from opioids and especially benzodiazepines can be extremely harsh and it could even be potentially life threatening depending on sort of how much your child normally takes and how long they haven’t had anything. So don’t hesitate. Don’t feel like you can’t call 911 because of the Coronavirus and everything that’s going on there. Your kid definitely is going to need some medical attention if they’re starting to go into withdrawal and living in the time of something that’s so big and so global, it’s really changing the way that people look at things. And even though our kids are, you know, they’re a challenge and they seem like they’re not even kind of part of the real world. They are seeing this, they’re experiencing some of the same feelings that we are and some of that could make them start to think about changing.

And so I think again, that’s why it’s really good to be ready for whatever comes, good or bad, and a change for the better is definitely a possibility. And if they’re showing any signs of contemplating a change. So that’s not even them saying, Oh, I want to get treatment. But it could just be saying, wow, you know, I’ve been really messed up for a while and, like I didn’t even know what was going on in the world or anything like that. That’s a time when you have an opportunity to start a conversation. And that shouldn’t be a forceful conversation. It shouldn’t be, you know, jump in the car, we’re going to go to treatment unless that’s what they’re asking for.

But it could open up a dialogue for you to start talking with them about what are some of the advantages and things that their drug of choice gives them. And then what are some of the disadvantages and just have that really honest conversation and it could really start getting them thinking about a change in their life. And so if they are showing any of those signs, having some resources ready to share is a really good idea.

And I think as parents, this is one of the most important things that we can do is to have things in our back pocket because you never know when that change is going to come. You never know when they’re going to say, I am done. I want to get out of this. And having a plan in place is so, so important because what you don’t want is for them to say that and then have three days go by while you’re scrambling looking for resources for them.

So you may have more time on your hands. Right now you may have less, but if hopefully you have some time that you’re able to do some research. You’ve probably already done quite a bit of research and you may have some of these already at hand, but some of the important things to have in your back pocket would be where could they get Narcan? So if you have it in the house, that’s great, but if they’re out and about, they should also have it. So just having a resource for getting Narcan.

Another one could be where they can join an online support group. And a great thing right now is that support groups are all happening online because of social distancing and that can really lower the sort of fear barrier of, Oh I have to go sit in a room with 10 or 15 other people like me, I’m going to get judged or whatever it is. Um, the, the opportunity right now for them to sit in on a group is very, very low barrier because it’s going to be online. So that could be a good option.

Another one obviously is to have some detox and treatment options available. There’s going to be in the show notes, lots of resources for that regardless of what state you’re in, regardless of what your insurance is, there are definitely options out there.

And then another one could just be finding an online therapist. So maybe they’re not at a stage where they need to go to treatment or you know, especially in inpatient type of treatment. But getting a good therapist involved would be good. Again, they’re all working online, so being able to tap into a therapist would be a really good idea. And again, those all be in the show notes. So those are the ways that being ready could really be to your advantage right now. Have a plan, just have a plan for whether things go worse or go better because the last thing you want to do is add to your stress level with everything that’s going on. You don’t need the additional stress of needing to find resources quickly, um, when you’re in a panic.

get connected And then another really, maybe this is obvious, but, um, really important thing is just to be connected. So isolation is one of the biggest problems that I hear about in talking with parents and talking with moms is that when your kid is in one of these situations, you’re just isolated from the rest of the world. You’re not going out and having fun. You’re not meeting friends for lunch, you’re not going to parties. And a lot of people even stopped going to church, they stopped going to family functions because it’s just too hard to talk about what’s going on with your kid.

So the best thing right now would be to have somebody outside of your house to talk to you because depending on who you’re with, you’re going to be cooped up in the same space with the same people, maybe a spouse, a partner, another other siblings.

And it’s really helpful just to have somebody outside of your house to reach out to by phone or by video or a neighbor over the fence. But just somebody that you can talk to, there are also some really great online and phone hotlines that you can tap into. The Partnership for Drug Free Kids has an amazing parent hotline. You can work with them via text, phone messenger. Again, that’ll all be in the show notes. You can join The Stream, which is a community that I host for moms and we are just there to support each other and try to get as healthy as we can and just reach out to whoever you can.

And if you are having a little bit more time than you normally do and you have time to read, I always always recommend the book Beyond Addiction. This is not an ad. I don’t have any affiliation with them. But they did really help me learn how to change my behavior and my language and my outlook to help my son change. And they’ve got beyond the book Beyond Addiction, there’s a Parent’s Guide, it’s just 20 minutes a day and it really helps you learn how to gain some skills to help them. And it’s kind of a workbook style. So it’s not theory. This isn’t a big textbook. It’s very, very practical. You’re going to get out a pen and you’re going to start filling things out and it really, really works.

take care of yourself And then last is something that I talk about a lot, but it is very important because we’re bad at it and not as taking care of ourselves and it didn’t, it doesn’t seem like it should be so hard to do, but it is hard to do.

And you know, I hate the term self-care. If somebody can come up with a better phrase than that, please let me know. But it is mandatory for your health if you are not taking care of yourself. You’re actually really doing them a disservice because you can’t function for them if you can’t even function for yourself.

Now, this does not mean that you have to go to a spa. We can’t do that anyway. So that’s kind of out of the picture. But I think when people hear about taking care of themselves or self care, they have this image of somebody going out and laying on a beach or going to a spa or getting their nails done. But it’s just really about treating yourself like you would a friend who’s in your situation. So just imagine that you have a friend who has a kid who’s doing all the things that yours is.

What would you do for her? Would you just let her go hungry? Would you just deprive her of water and sleep and all of those things? You’d probably feed your friend really well. You’d probably make sure that she got some water in her body. You probably make sure that somehow she got some sleep or that she at least, you know, sat down for a couple of minutes.

So this is kind of a way that you can think about it where it doesn’t feel selfish, it’s not you being selfish, um, and, and taking time away from others. It’s really you making an investment in yourself so that you can take care of other people. And you know, right now maybe that’s just getting in your car and cranking up your favorite music and driving around. I’m finding that really helpful to just get in the car and drive around.

I have nowhere to go. I just drive around and I listen to music and I look at the sky. Sometimes it’s blue. A lot of times it’s raining cause I live in Seattle. But that’s just a great kind of freeing thing. And if you need to get out of your house, that’s a great way to do it.

I don’t know, make yourself a cupcake or a kale salad, just whatever feels good to you, whatever is going to be something that will really nourish your soul and your body. It could be just washing your hair. I tried some home coloring the other week and that was very interesting, but it worked. Okay, so take care of yourself, get a lipstick or a lip gloss or some mascara or something that you know is going to make you feel better.

And here’s a really interesting thing is that kids like to see their moms and dads take care of themselves. What it does is it shows them that we are still okay and it shows them that we’re stable-ish and it shows them that we have self-respect. So doing all of these things, eating well, getting some exercise, just doing something for yourself is a sign of self respect. And kids like to see that your kid who is, you know, in at risk and using drugs, they might not say anything. They might even look at you and say that you’re selfish for doing these things, but just know that’s not them talking. That is the drugs talking. They will in the end be glad to know that mom and dad were taking care of themselves. They were being good to their bodies and their minds so that they can cope with everything that’s going on.

Well that’s what I’ve got for you today. Those are the things that are really, really important when we are in the midst of, you know, another health pandemic. Just take a minute and you know, think about some of these things that you can do.

Make sure you’ve got Narcan in the house. Don’t stop talking. Use this time to start talking to your kid. If possible. Be as ready as you can for what might come. Be connected to whoever you can that helps you and then take care of yourself. And if you can do those four things, I think you’re doing really, really well.

So I hope you’re safe. I know you are dealing with a lot and if you are looking for support, you want to join us in The Stream, you can just go to the show notes or go to my website, BrendaZane.com/thestream and you can get connected with us there. I’m still offering free membership because we are still at home. So that was my offer was as long as we’re at home and in isolation, membership will be free. So you can take advantage of that right now. All right, friends, stay safe. I look forward to meeting you here next week.